408 Greenwell Avenue
Price of a Guinness: $6.00 | Overall Rating: 4.45
Sometimes an Irish Pub can let you down so much that when it comes down to writing about it you are motivated to keep it short and sweet due to the fact that they wasted your time while you were there. Not once nor ever will I ever walk into a pub thinking that it'll be a bad experience before grabbing a bar stool. It could be in the middle of nowhere with a busted sign out front that's a thunderstorm away from blowing down and I will still walk in with hopes that it'll be the best Irish Pub experience that I've ever had.
With that being said, Maloney's does not deliver the duty in anyway. It's the definition of the run down building with a lazy owner who thinks that all he has to do is slap a slab of green paint on the walls and that's all it'll take to consider it to be a fun "Irish" pub. Sure, they have steel tip darts... but that's about all that tickled our fancy. The bathroom was smellier than a construction site's porta-john alongside a moving cloud of fruit flies, the curb appeal is by no means a looker, and the Guinness pour is hands down one of the most embarrassing pours that you'll find in the wild.
When someone pours you a pint of Guinness in this type of fashion then you really don't have to say anything more about the place when it comes to rating the Pub in the Irish sense. This pour by the way... was given to me by the owner himself. Now don't get me wrong; I am never out to make anyone look bad. More power to anyone who runs their own business. With that being said; if you're awful at what you do and you are charging money for a garbage product then I will 100% call you out on it. For those of us craic addicts who go out of their way to find a good Irish Pub experience it can be quite disappointing when we carve an afternoon out of our day to find out that we spent money to completely waste our time.
If Maloney's marketed themselves as an American Sports bar who happens to have Guinness on draft along with green painted walls then by all means; this place would not have been reviewed by The Drunken Mallard. It would probably end each day being rated as a semi-decent place to have a light beer while watching some sports.
The whiskey selection is average and the only beer on tap from across the pond is Guinness. The go-to drinks here are white claws and cheap light beer. There's a pool table and keno along with a good selection of dining room tables. The food is moderately priced, and the drinks run ring in at the industry standard. The owner is a nice guy who is down to earth who cracked a few funny jokes, however, outside of those few good aspects the place is not worthy of a craic addict's time.
It may not be fair to compare it to an authentic Irish Pub from south Yonkers, but why not? If you label yourself as an Irish Pub then I will treat you like the rest and compare you to the rest. Maloney's stands zero chance when placed against any worthy establishment that calls themselves Irish. I advise you not to spend any time coming to Maloney's on the west side of Cincinnati. Due to the pleasant conversation from the owner himself and his other bartender who gave a fun sense of southern hospitality, that alone is about the only reason Maloney's receives a score over a 4.
Slainte!
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